Monday, November 26, 2007

"Worst Lyrics" Contest, Anyone?

My brother, Rob, suggested the topic of Worst Lyrics Ever. Great idea, plenty of material out there, but I think we better narrow that down a bit. How about the Worst Lyrics Of The Last 40 Years? That way it'll still cover the psychedelic era right through today. I'll start things off with just two (*sigh* so much crap, so little time).

As it has been said on South Park many times, "The Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on many occasions", but they really should've deported him after he penned the horrid lyrics to "Black Pearl": "She’s black coffee, little bit of cream/Sweet brown sugar, my midnight dream/Black pearl, my kinda girl/Just the kind of thing to rock my world”

...and Carley Simon's vomit inducing "You're So Vain", which included the lines,
"You walked into the party/Like you were walking onto a yacht/Your hat strategically dipped below one eye/Your scarf it was apricot/You had one eye in the mirror/As you watched yourself gavotte".

I mean, come on! What the HELL is a GAVOTTE, anyway!?!?

(UPDATE: According to Britanica Online, "Gavotte" is a lively peasants' kissing dance that became fashionable at the 17th- and 18th-century courts of France and England.)

Actually knowing this makes it somehow even worse, don't you think?


Rob said...

I agree, so many to choose from. I'll start by nominating ANY song from Creed!! But to pick one, lets say "Arms wide open"!

"With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything ...oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open"

Keeping in mind the target demographic for Creed are 14 year old girls!! Creepy is a more appropriate title for this band.

The second choice would be "I Want You" by Savage Garden. I have to admit, I actually kinda liked this song when it first came out in the mid 90's. I can't stress that statement enough, "when it FIRST came out", but immediately abandoned it a week or so later when I realized just how cheezy the lyrics are....

"Anytime I need to see your face
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where
Your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter
In the base of my spine
Sweet like a chic a cherry cola"

What the "F" is that supposed to mean!!

Phil Fountain said...

Elton John knew early on the he was a great "melody" man, but he couldn't write lyrics for shit. So he hired Bernie Taupin to write them for him. Here are some samples:

From "Rocket Man":

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science i don't understand
It's just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

From "Crocodile Rock":

But the years went by and the rock just died
Suzie went and left us for some foreign guy
Long nights crying by the record machine
Dreaming of my Chevy and my old blue jeans
But they'll never kill the thrills we've got
Burning up to the crocodile rock
Learning fast as the weeks went past
We really thought the crocodile rock would last

From "Candle In The Wind":

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that marilyn was found in the nude

Goodbye norma jean
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something as more than sexual
More than just our marilyn monroe

Now, aren't you glad Elton had the sense to hire a lyricist?

RumpRoast said...

May I suggest:

"Don't say you're easy on me
You're about as easy as a nuclear war"

Is There Something I Should Know?
Duran Duran