So I have this friend who lived in Canada for a spell and was recently forced to ‘relocate‘ to Mexico for reasons he‘s yet to share with me. Let’s just call him “Mr. Agreeable”, ok? He’s a very opinionated guy who’s just a tad unstable, and when he asked if he could guest on my blog I immediately agreed.
Out of fear.
So, just a simple caveat that the words and opinions of the following entry are those of “Mr. Agreeable" and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Uncle E or the curators of Uncle E’s Musical Nightmares (heretofore known as UEMN) Any damage or hurt feelings caused by the following blog entry is the sole responsibility of "Mr Agreeable" and by reading the following one absolutely and legally waives ones right to take legal action or sue Uncle E or the UEMN collective.--Uncle E
Yahoo did this list where some professional ‘blogger’ listed and ranked what he felt were the most annoying singers of all time. What this so-called 'pro' had to say was crap, so I kept the list, got rid of his comments and wrote my own. Here they are. If you don’t agree with me, tough s#!t, complain to Uncle E. Complain to Blogger, what the hell do I care?
…in descending order…
10. Celine Dion
I would’ve chosen her as my #1 pick as most annoying, but whatever. So I lived in Canada for a spell, eh? 18 or so years, and found out that all SANE Canucks despise three things: Anne Murray, Americans winning the Stanley Cup and friggin’ Celine Dion! My wife (and most women, I’ve come to find out) love that cotton-candy-canker-sore-inducing song from Titanic, and played it a ton when it came out. It was inescapable, and the year it came out is the year I came closest to poking a hole in my ear canal with an ice pick. As her French-Canadienne brethren would say, "Écouter A Diantre, idiote!"
9. John Mayer: Don’t know much about Mr. Mayer, to tell you the truth, but I can tell you that from his picture he looks like some weird whiney emo hybrid of Matt Dillon and Donnie Osmond, and that’s enough to earn the guy a spot on this list. I also hear that he cries when he sings. Bet that goes over really well at the biker bars, eh Johnny-Boy?
8) Conor Oberst: Sorry, I actually admire this guy, own two albums of his. And that stunt he pulled on Leno (singing the anti-Bush rant “When The President Talks To God”) was just really brilliant. Go to Hell, Yahoo!
7) Lily Allen: Again, not familiar. Guess I need to hang out at the GAP more often…
6) Devendra Banhart: The self proclaimed leader of the new “Freak Folk” movement. I don’t care how hard this dude tries to deny it, he IS responsible and should be dragged through an Agave field for his crimes against humanity. The dude can have his communes, flower power, peace, love, eternal groovyness and fourteen friggin‘ years sitting on the ledge of the seventh level Of Dantes purgatory!!! And what’s the appeal with that god awful warble of a voice he’s been 'blessed' with? Perhaps he’s Tiny Tim reincarnated, eh wot?
5) James Blunt: First and foremost, I don’t believe the guy’s a dude. Secondly, “Beautiful” was sooo overplayed there should be a law that mandates the immediate destruction of the master tapes. Anyone caught playing the song “Beautiful” (or anything by Mrs…ahem…MR. Blunt) should be forced to eat pea soup out of Devendra Banhart's scraggly hippy beard.
4) Frankie Valli: A voice perfectly tailored to shatter eye-glasses within a 14 mile radius. I have no friggin' clue why this half-wit was so popular during the 60's and 70's. All I know is that listening to that “BayyaaaYAAAAAAAAYAAAYAAAABAYYYYAAAAYYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! wail of his is enough to send one into an epileptic fit.
3) Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins): Yes, despite all his rage he's still just a rat who can't sing in a cage. Who‘s supremely annoying. This faux prog rocker wannabe has plagiarized everyone from Genesis to Yes to Queen with lukewarm results every time. And Billy? Grow some hair, willya? Pete Gabriel did the bald schtick so much more convincingly back in the 70’s, brother.
2) Scott Stapp (Creed): You can feel this so-called Christian rocker’s spiritual torment every time he screeches and bellows into a microphone. He wants to be Bono so bad it’s embarrassingly obvious to everybody without a white cane or a hearing aid, and you know what the funny thing is? He REALLY thinks he’s an important artiste. Yes, that’s ‘artist’ with an ‘e’ on the end to denote his poncy-ness. Knob!
1) Michael Bolton: BLORRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 hour ago