Thursday, August 14, 2008

Uncle E’s Music To Speed By

Some songs are just custom made to slam the accelerator to the floorboard, dontchathink? Ever received a speeding ticket while listening to a particularly kick-ass song on your car stereo? I have, and I remember it well.

I used to have a crappy old silver Chevy Bel Aire, complete with a jazzy factory installed am/fm radio that would get nothing but static and the odd oldies station. So when I received my first “Ghetto Blaster” I stocked up on double D batteries (I think it took 12) and stuck it in the center of the back seat and played my carefully constructed mixed tapes whenever I went cruising’ with my posse (my Canadian friends will find the fact I’ve labeled them here as my “posse” quite funny, I believe). The car was usually packed and the person sitting on the hump in the back got to hold and control the music.

When the evening was over the “blaster” was on it’s own, free to sway and tip over onto the back seat floor mats whenever I had to slam on the breaks or make a sharp turn.

Coming home (when the thing didn’t tip over and knock the removable speakers off their hinges and the batteries out of their casing) I usually preferred to listen to really fast and hard music, mostly to keep me from falling asleep at the wheel at 3:00 am in the morning.

It was The Dead Kennedy’s “Riot” that did me in. It’s a slow burner, taking it’s time to build the mood, and as the song progressed in tempo I could feel my foot inch down on the accelerator in perfect time with the song. Inch by inch, kilometer by kilometer, the trees whizzing past at an ever increasing rate. By the time the song reached the explosive chorus (at what seemed like 2000 BPM) I SLAMMED my foot down, pounded my fists on the dashboard and…saw red lights in my rearview. If there is a worse feeling than that, especially at the unholy hour of 3:00 am on a Sunday, I‘d like to hear it. I must have been going at least 100 down a country road where the limit was 60, but I can’t be sure of anything except it was way over the limit. I popped a breath mint (even though I hadn’t been drinking) and nervously gave the officer my drivers license and other info. He in turn gave me a massive ticket and sent me on my way with a stern warning to “slow the hell down“.

SO what’re your favorite speeding songs?


Anonymous said...

OK, first of all, you can't call it speeding if it's measured in "kilometers." And who gave you a ticket? I thought the only cops you have in the Great White North were named "Dudley" and rode horses. Way too gay to be refered to as cops, that's why they're called "Mounties" and they always come from behind.When was the last time a "Mountie" went all Rodney King on anybody? I bet you could have made him cry if you refused to sign the ticket. And how could you see through your rearview mirror? Didn't your hot pink spiked mohawk get in the way?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Uncle E said...

First of all Phil, I deleted your second post not due to the fact that I found it offensive but rather because I found it repetitive. You did the same thing twice, ya weirdo, no doubt blinded by your freudian infactuation with the RCMP.
And it wasn't a hot pink was baby blue.

Put that in your Jerry Garcia souveneer tie dyed hookah and smoke it!

ThomG said...

Ten Nugent, "Wango Tango." Weird, I know.

Hey, turn off that Bravenet thing. It crashes my computer every other visit, if I try and comment.

Holly A Hughes said...

I hate to say it...but "Radar Love" by Golden Earring.

RumpRoast said...

Love Missile F1-11 - Sigue Sigue Sputnik

(And I'm going to simply resist the temptation to say anything about Phil's rather unnerving mountie-love. It's all a bit odd, eh?)

Uncle E said...

Wango Tango---GREAT speeding song! And Radar Love, although I'm not crazy about it, well...I could see how one could.
Love Missle F1-11 by SSS is a great pulsating speed song as well, although both cover versions by Pop Will Eat Itself are pretty damned good as well.
Thanks all!

Anonymous said...

"Ghost Rider" by Suicide - No Contest!

Uncle E said...

Ghost Rider is another excellent choice. I've sped to those pulsing sytnths many times.
I'm surprised no one's said Autobahn by Kraftwerk yet...

Anonymous said...

OK, I see I gotta go old school on you guys...

Maybellene-Chuck Berry
Hot Rod Lincoln- I like Commander Cody's version.
Highway 61 Revisited-God Dylan, although Johnny Winter's live version is great in the car —
Born To Run-Bruuuuce
Anything by the Ramones
Break On Through-The Doors
Summertime Blues-Blue Cheer
Hey Grandma-Moby Grape
Medley: 409/Shut Down/Fun, Fun, Fun/I Get Around/Little Deuce Coupe - 1 Genius + 4 Wankers.
For slow building, climaxing, raw speed: Gloria by Patti Smith or Heroin by The VU

And you gotta drive with a Budweiser between your knees, Hennesey in your left hand (steer with your wrist) a pack of Camels rolled in your shirt-sleeve, an 8-ball gear shifter and you gotta wrap that metal firecracker around a tree, die and see Wayne Fontana at the Pearly Gates where he bums a butt and explains why Canadians have never done a decent rock and roll car's hard to downshift a fucking reindeer.


Hal Johnson said...

“Tumeni Notes” Steve Morse.
“You Shook Me All Night Long” AC/DC.
“Flirtin’ With Disaster” Molly Hatchet.
“Erotomania” Dream Theater.
“No More No More” Aerosmith.
“Jealous Again” The Black Crowes.
“Stay With Me” Faces.
“The Bash” Dixie Dregs.
“All the Small Things” Blink 182.
“Angels of the Silences” Counting Crows.
“Peter Gunn” Gary Hoey.
“Steve Earle” Ice Mac Sea.
“Past the Point of Rescue” Hal Ketchum.
“Keep Your Hands to Yourself” Georgia Satellites.

Any major dude with half a heart said...

I drive fast at any rate; I'd get a ticket cruising at 180km/h listening to Leonard Cohen at his most morose.

But the ultimate speeding track obviously is "Bat Out Of Hell".

Audiobooks make me go slow though. Like, I don't want to get to my destination before the chapter is over, and I don't want to miss anything important while concentrating on a tricky overtaking manoeuvre.