Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mr. Agreeable Pays A Visit To Redding And Mocks Uncle E’s Music Collection

Mr. Agreeable was recently pardoned (for unspecified crimes against Canadian Parliament) and decided it would be a nifty idea to pay me a visit. My wife, who has heard secondhand the ‘foibles’ of Mr. Agreeable has decided it would be a better idea to take the kids to her mother’s place in San Diego until he departs our humble abode. Which we all hope will be very soon.

In the meantime he has finished off all my rum and diet Coke, littered my modest surroundings with his Du Maurier Special Mild smokes, scratched my SCTV DVD's and urinated in my shrubberies.

Best let him have his way, I say. He is a formidable knob who has written down some thoughts about his sabbatical to the North State and is forcing me to allow him to post them on this blog.

If anyone from my current employer is reading this I apologize in advance. Thank God only two people read it.

Y'all who live in Redding have two seasons, don’t you? F*%king cold and f*%king hot! It’s bloody May and it’s already close to 100 degrees outside!! Why do you choose to live here? I don’t understand it, eh? Everything is the colour of sun dried tobacco and bird droppings and the best you can do for culture is an evening with an Elvis impersonator at your convention center and a local rodeo where an aggravated bull jumps into the stands and attacks the locals.
Actually, that was quite entertaining, I must say.

It’s too damn hot to go outside so I’m perusing E’s Itunes and cranking his air conditioning to 32 degrees so I feel more at home. The PG&E bill? Sounds like an EP, not an MP. To translate for you Yanks that’s E’s Problem, not My Problem!
Anyway, his musical tastes are terrible, I’ve discovered. He’s got over 13,000 songs and the only band worth anything in his entire collection is RUSH. No Trooper, no Prism (except Spaceship Superstar, the best damn song EVER!), no Loverboy, no BTO, no Triumph, no Chilliwack, no Platinum Blonde, no Glass Tiger, no Honeymoon Suite, no Cony Hatch, no Helix, no Sheriff, no Corey Hart, no Frozen Ghost and worst of all no Anne Murray! Man the boy has forgotten his roots, eh?
I won’t go into the gory details, but let’s just say that E’s taste in music has degraded to the point of it becoming an embarrassment. If he was still in Canada he’d be brought up on treason charges and politely shot by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

I can’t stand it here anymore. I need to leave this horrid place and return to Saskatoon, where the air is cool, the beer isn’t watered down and Burton Cummings is worshipped like the God he is.

Bye all you wankers. I’m leaving this retched pit never to return. Besides, all the Scrub Oaks around here are making my ass itch…
I'll leave you with a video of my favorite Canadian artist, Stompin' Tom Connors singing his million-seller "The Hockey Song".

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